My name is Raymond and as of this posting I'm in my last semester studying nursing in a 2 year high intensity program. My being here and my completing this program will both be nothing short of a demonstration of God's grace in my pretty messed up life.
I was raised bouncing from church to church, finally settling in a very Charismatic Word Faith congregation when I was in middle school (mid 80's). Lots of prophesies, words of knowledge, and laying on of hands, decisions for Christ, and very little solid exegesis of scripture. When I entered High School, I finally had enough and just stopped going. Thus began my rebellious phase.
After graduation I moved to Seattle with a friend of mine that came into some money. My mom told me that if I wasn't going to attend church to at least read my bible. After a couple of weeks I came to Matthew 7 where Jesus taught about the narrow and wide gates. I got to verse 14 where Jesus said "Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it." and prayed asking "Have I found it?" The Holy Spirit quickened that verse to me and answered YES, and I wept for hours, knowing I didn't deserve it.
I've been through a lot of ups and downs in the years since then, finally coming to my lowest point following my divorce while living in a new town. I tried so hard to use the Charismatic tricks and techniques I heard from Creflo Dollar, Andrew Wommack, Joseph Prince, etc to get me out of the desperate state I was in. I finally did a study through the book of Job and came to understand that if God brings someone low to humility it is always for His glory. At my very lowest point I cried out to God. I finally called upon the name of the Lord. Shortly afterward I stumbled across the doctrines of grace and the scriptures supporting them and came to hate my own willfulness, and was brought to humility when I understood my depravity.
Ever since then I've been in repentance, unable to justify my sin, only able to grieve over it while looking forward to the time when my flesh won't cause me to sin anymore. I still can't wrap my head around why God would want me, but I'm so thankful that He loves me enough to put up with me and chasten me when I needed it.
Not sure what else to say.
