Why did I check "other" on beliefs? Annalisa's Introduction

[OsoWeakbutHeIsStrong]

Hi, I just want to be clear that I only checked other, because my whole professing Christian family would check the "Christian" box.  I am a born again believer who was a professing Christian, completely lost, addict for 40 years of my life.  Although, I was deep in addiction and filled with demons due to drugs, fornication, oujia board dabbling, tarot, yoga, accupunture, tattoos, etc... I STILL believed that I would go to heaven because "God knew my heart". 

Praise God that He brought me to my knees and to the foot of the Cross and let me see the severity of my sin.  It's actually a miracle that I was born again.  I was a beast before Him. (Psalm 73:22 describes me).  My sins were many and grievous, yet I could not even see them because, well,  "at least I'm not like THOSE wicked people".  I compared myself to other's and NOT to the HOLY and righteous Judge/Word of God.

Over 14 years ago, I was given a horrible disease that would eventually lead me to a point where I understood that I needed to "get right with God."  I was so lost and confused.  Even though I thought that I was going to Heaven, when you're facing death, you start to wake up a little.  But even then, I believed in the false doctrine that you had to get right with God before you can be saved.  I think that I thought that I had just backslidden and needed to get back on track and THEN I would be safe.

So, I went about on a mission to reform my life.  That didn't work out so well.  I found that I could not do it.  I confessed all my sins (that I could remember) to God, but there was no godly sorrow. I knew they were sins, but no tears.  I asked Jesus into my heart, but no life change happened.  I still could not stop the habitual sins. (the spirit of addiction is STRONG)

One night I got drunk and sinned so horribly.  It made me sick to my stomach.  I spent days in bed crying without sleep, and knowing that there was something seriously wrong with my spirituality/profession of faith. I was sick and tired of the habitual sin, and wanted something else...something better.  It was what I desired; for my life to completely change,and be transformed. Finally, looked up on the internet, "What does the Bible say about how to forgive yourself."   Praise GOD!!!  He lead me to an article that said you CAN'T forgive yourself!  Only Jesus can forgive you!

I happened to be listening to Carter Conlon (who I realize is a false teacher) but he was talking about the Holy Sprit and I prayed to God asking for that.  I told the Lord that I did not want the fake hypocrisy in my life.  I wanted the real deal.  I wanted to walk the Christian life HIS way not mine. 

At that moment, the verse "Jesus saith unto him, "I am the way the truth and the life.  No man cometh to the Father, but by me."  I had been a "truther since around 2012(?)  (maybe even before that), but suddenly I saw the REAL TRUTH!  My eyes were opened and I was blown away.  I remember thinking, "WOW!  JESUS IS the TRUTH!  This whole time I've been looking for the truth and it was right here in the Bible!  The Bible IS true".  I'm not quite sure why I was so shocked, (I mean, after all, I was raised in a "Christian" home) but I at the same time I understand since I was very deceived.

Once that verse popped into my mind and I had those thoughts, I was FILLED with the Holy Sprit and I KNEW that something had changed.  It was as if the scales had been removed from my eyes and suddenly I saw the REAL truth.  I was filled with a peace that I had never experienced before in my life, and things have never been the same.  From that day forward, I have never had to worry about the spirit of addiction, beause I was delivered from it!  PRAISE JESUS!!!!!!!!  Thank you, Lord!

***
That's the short version of my testimony.  There is so much more, but it would be a LOT to write. Since I was saved, I've made sure to reject and pray against asking for the Holy Spirit that Carter Conlon was speaking about (as the devil tried to make me doubt my salvation at times), but thanking God for transforming my life.  As I walk closer to Him, I am able to have peace and thank Him for my salvation in Him.

Thank you for reading and I appreciate this process as I have been deceived by wolves who try to act like Chriistians.
-Annalisa

[creationliberty]

I'm not quite sure why I was so shocked, (I mean, after all, I was raised in a "Christian" home) but I at the same time I understand since I was very deceived.

I'm sure you already understand this, but it's because there is a difference between knowing something, and having your understanding unlocked by the Holy Ghost.

But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.
-1Co 2:14

Then opened he their understanding, that they might understand the scriptures,
-Luke 24:45

Billions of people know who, generally, Jesus is. Many of them know that Jesus is the Messiah. Many of them know what, generally, sin is. Very few understand their own depravity and why Jesus did what He did for us.

[OsoWeakbutHeIsStrong]

AMEN!  Yes, there's a BIG difference.  Life changing difference.  I do understand that which is why the professing Christian thing is so horrible to me.  People are rocked to sleep and say "peace, peace!"  Where there is no peace.  The scales were removed from my eyes at that very moment.

[Rowan M.]

Hello and welcome, Annalisa. Thank you for sharing your testimony. When reading it, I was especially struck by how you went through a period when you confessed sins to God, but had no real sorrow for them (certainly not godly sorrow at that time). I was reminded of a short anecdote shared by "Aussie Chris" (someguy85) in another thread recently about a professing Christian woman he knew who was involved in fornication. When challenged about it, she said that it was OK because she asked God for His forgiveness. In doing that, she would have had to confess her sin, but she clearly had no sorrow for it. That's another example of confession without repentance. So while confession of sin is very important, there does have to be repentance as well. Only when there is repentance in the heart can there be proper FORSAKING of sin in one's heart and life. (The forsaking part - turning from sin - comes with conversion.) If there isn't that repentance accompanying confession (and subsequent conversion the first time, after which all confession should include repentance), then sooner or later, you'll end up being like the dog returning to its vomit or the sow wallowing again in the mire.

He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy. (Proverbs 28:13)

As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly. (Proverbs 26:11)

But it is happened unto them according to the true proverb, The dog is turned to his own vomit again; and the sow that was washed to her wallowing in the mire. (2 Peter 2:22)

That's not you now, but it was you before you came to true repentance. By the way, do you follow Nate Marino's "Sound the Battle Cry" channel on YouTube? (I highly recommend it to everyone.) I have seen someone with your username (or something very similar) commenting on a number of his videos. If you have ever seen a Rowan commenting on Nate's videos, that's me. Anyway, thanks again for your introduction and testimony.

[someguy85]

So, I went about on a mission to reform my life.  That didn't work out so well.  I found that I could not do it.  I confessed all my sins (that I could remember) to God, but there was no godly sorrow. I knew they were sins, but no tears.  I asked Jesus into my heart, but no life change happened.  I still could not stop the habitual sins. (the spirit of addiction is STRONG)


A lot of us have been there, and I think that's a prime example of why the common doctrine in church buildings of "repent means to turn from sin", doesn't really hold water when it's put to the test. I've dealt with the spirit of addiction in my life, and I pushed my hardest to get it to stop for years and years, but it wasn't until the point of repentance for me about 3 years ago that things started to change. Addiction will still have it's foothold in the flesh that you have to deal with but without the spiritual bondage of it, God gives us a fighting chance to deal with it.

Hi, I just want to be clear that I only checked other, because my whole professing Christian family would check the "Christian" box.

Never be afraid to call yourself a Christian if you are born again, doesn't matter if we come up with a new term for it and it catches on, it'll be corrupted eventually too, but we are of Christ, if you're worried about being put in the same box as cults that profess to be Christians but overtly or covertly are not, then remember Jesus Christ said in Matthew:

7:16 "Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? {7:17} Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit. {7:18} A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither [can] a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit."

I wasn't really raised going to church buildings, but I did go in with some knowledge about the occult, weird religious sects and other things, I grew up knowing that easter and christmas were pagan celebrations adopted by Rome, and the second you bring forth even the suggestion that something some people have done for their entire lives might not be of Christ, then the excuses and contention starts to come out. Which kind of leads me into my next point, I can't stress enough how important it is to read the bible regularly or even listen to it on audio book if you're able, way too many professing christians never pick it up let alone have read it from cover to cover, and if you know what the verses say, it will be much more difficult for someone to cherry pick part of a verse and blindside you. God is the source of all knowledge and truth, and he has given it to us as we have need of it, but I still find it hard to believe how so many false doctrines are promoted on half a bible verse, and some are straight up misunderstandings of the English language. (the "speaking on tongues" word vomit for example, sorry, but it's not that hard to look up that a tongue is just another term used for a different language, not some charlatan trying to convince an audience it's a "supernatural" language by blurting out sounds that they think sound vaguely Hebraic.)

Glad to hear your story, thanks for sharing.  God bless you.

[OsoWeakbutHeIsStrong]

This is a Reply to Rowan:

Yes!  I am a subscriber to Sound the Battle Cry!  I praise God for letting me find his ministry.  I would also recommend it to anyone.  I've learned so much from him.  I have posted a couple videos of him up on my puny little channels and tried to promote his vids.  I'll say hi to you over there. 

AMEN!!! (about the cofession with repentance)  Yes, I didn't understand TRUE humble repentance and thought that it meant confessing and asking for forgiveness...just like that girl who fornicated and thought that she was covered.  I was just like her.  How sad that we are taught these things and believe them, and even more sad is the fact that others don't know better to correct us.  I was in prayer thanking God this morning that even though nobody was there in my life to give me the truth, He sent His Holy Spirit to teach me and show me what I did not understand.

When I was first born again I wrote down my testimony (which is a little wonky, but it did include this part:)

"A DOG RETURNS TO ITS VOMIT"
After a year of sobriety, it didn't take long before I would go back to my old ways, and this time I would go even deeper into drugs.  At twenty-four I became addited to speed and consequently, addicted to work.  I worked non-stop and held down two, sometimes even three jobs at a time taking cat naps in between shifts.

My free time was "party time".   Ecstasy, acid, mushrooms and alcohol were piled on top of my speed addiction.  I loved the party, I loved to work, I loved my social life, I was healthy, produtive and functioning.  Why would I call out to God?  Did I feel the need to fall on my knees in prayer?  Nope.  I seemed to be doing just fine.  I had money in the bank, lots of friends, a healthy body and I liked my life."

Raves, parties, the pride of life and nothing stopping me, yet I still had the audacity to call myself a Christian.  I believed that even though I lived fast, if I were to die young, I would ultimately go to Heaven.  I believed that I was safe, since I ws saved when I was eight years old.

***
And it goes on, but my point is, that is exactly what was lacking; true HUMBLE repentance.  I didn't understand it.
In my family, if you said that you believed in Jesus, then you're saved.  My mom STILL insists that I had just back slidden for most of my life.  She has no clue about that doctrine of backsliding.  You don't live a life of sin when you're born again.  It's FOREVER and a forward not backward. 

Thank you for saying hi, Rowan.  Is it okay for me to say hello in Nate's comment section?  I actually have talked to him and given him my testimony over the phone.  We had like a four hour talk about my bizarre testimony that includes hanging out with satanists and over 20 years of meth addiction.  My first drink of hard liquor was at the age of eight and I was playing with a oujia board at that same age.  Anyway. There was a LOT to talk about, but I'm so glad that you watch him and agree with me that he is one of the most solid teachers on youtube...beside Christopher.  I think that they are BOTH the best that I have found. (and I've been searching for years.)

Praise God for answered prayer!!!

[OsoWeakbutHeIsStrong]

Replying to Aussie Chris:

Thank you for your comment.  You are right.  The wheat and the tares grow up together and they look VERY similiar, but you will know the wheat/children of God by their fruit.  It's not that I'm afraid to call myself a Christian, (there was actually a time when that was the case, though) it's more that I want to clarify what kind of Christian I am...which is one that has been born again.  I want to verbally separate myself from those that profess in vain. But I do see your point.

As far as the spirit of addiction in my life, I find that I've completely been delivered of it.  I do still have dreams of doing drugs, and I wake up grieved, but so far, that's the only way I have been attacked on that front.  Someone did hand me a beer during the first year that I was born again and I did drink it, but it wasn't pleasurable and when they handed me a second one, I refused because it just didn't feel good.  I've never been tempted to go back into that sin.  I praise God for that too.  I know He had mercy on me to deliver me from it for good.  Especially since I started my many years of addiction as a child and I'm now 51 years old.  My years spent in addiction started when I was 13.  God was so good to completely deliver me.  It doesn't even have a stronghold.

Pride, on the other hand, is one sin that HAS had a stronghold.  That's definitely one that I've been battling (through fasting and prayer) and God IS walking me through that battle.  PRAISE HIS NAME!!  I know what you mean about strongholds and when you said:

"Addiction will still have it's foothold in the flesh that you have to deal with but without the spiritual bondage of it, God gives us a fighting chance to deal with it." 

For myself, I would replace the word addiction with the sin of PRIDE, and say YES, I completely agree with you! You are SO right.  Praise God for His grace to walk us through temptation and overcome these sins! 

Thank you for suggesting that I read the Bible everyday.  That is excellent godly advice.  This is something that God has blessed me with the time to do (since I battle a disease that keeps me from being able to work) So, currently I'm reading the Bible cover to cover, and I'm just going through the book of Isaiah right now. 

The first time I read the Bible it was New Testament first and then skipping around in the Old Testament until I was able to read the whole book.  Nothing was done in order, so I missed out on a lot.  Now, since I'm reading it cover to cover, (like you suggested) I'm getting so much more out of the word.  Great advice! Thank you.

God bless you too!

[Rowan M.]

Thank you for saying hi, Rowan.  Is it okay for me to say hello in Nate's comment section?

You're welcome, Annalisa, and thank you in turn for replying to me and sharing more of your testimony in the process. Yes, you can say hi to me in Nate's comment section if you like. Probably best if you reply to one of my comments. I haven't actually made that many. The last comment I left was on his video about Kanye West and performance art. That was a little over a month ago. Anyway, thanks again for your further testimony.

[OsoWeakbutHeIsStrong]

That was such a good video/series. Great. Next time I see you over there, I'll say hi.

It's so funny to me how this is all working out.  I've been immersed in watching and studying along with Nates vids for the past 6(?) months.  Like I said, his channel has been the only one I felt was solid.  Then I saw another channel that has some of Nate's stuff up on their channel, but other false teachers as well.  That channel (Redeemed KJV) has videos up from Sam Adams. 

I'd never heard of Sam Adams, but I recently listened to his sermon called "Where is the church".  I felt convicted since I would be considered one of those "lone rangers" that Sam spoke against in his sermon.  I thought, "he's right!  I need to find a church".  So I started to pray that God would lead me to a church that He would pick out for me.

I went online and looked for churches in the greater Seattle area and could not find ONE that I liked.  I became very frustrated and thought, are these my options?  Is this it?  So, I prayed more.  I prayed, Lord, if you want me to be in a church, then I will be in a church, but if you think it's better that I don't, then may your will be done.

Then I thought, "Who is this Sam Adams, anyway?  Do I really need to be attending a church in person?  I'm going to see what others had to say about him"  That's when I read an article by Christopher called, "Is Sam Adams a Good Preacher? (I Don't Think So)"  LOL!!

I read through the article and then clicked on the link for Christophers teaching on repentance.  I was blown away by how well he explained it, and extremely excited because I had just found another teacher that I liked!

I started skipping around on the videos and found one that featured a group of people discussing articles and heard one of the people say that only church members could join the video discussion.  I was elated!  What?  This guy has a church???  That's what I've been praying for!!  That's when I emailed Christopher and started this whole process!

And here you are!  Another subscriber of Nate's!  LOL!!  It feels like I just came full circle!  God is so good.  What an answer to prayer.  I already feel good about this.

[Rowan M.]

I'm actually not the only subscriber of Nate's on here. Joshua JZB is too (if you've seen comments by a Joshua on Nate's videos, that's the same one). And Anna G is another one who watches him regularly, but she's no longer in the church. I don't know whether anyone else here follows his channel though.

I've heard of Sam Adams - he's a Baptist preacher, by the looks of it. (For anyone who wants to look into him further, this is his page on SermonAudio - https://www.sermonaudio.com/search.asp?speakeronly=true&currsection=sermonsspeaker&keyword=Pastor_Sam_Adams) As far as I know though, I've never listened to anything by him. Whatever faults he may have, it's good that the sermon of his you listened to convicted you to look for a church and pray about it.

I can relate to your struggles to find a good church. Our cities are a very long way apart, but the churches in Wellington, New Zealand, where I live, aren't much chop (which is an expression we use Down Under to mean that something isn't very good). Most of them are Pentecostal or Charismatic. The more "traditional" or "old-school" churches have often been infiltrated by Charismatic practices and heresy, or have otherwise become very worldly or completely apostate. Nearly all of them use modern Bible versions. Quite disheartening. I don't think the situation is all that much better elsewhere in the country either. But I knew I shouldn't be going it alone, and so was glad when I found CLE. I've enjoyed good fellowship here, and hopefully you will be able to as well.

Incidentally, we're almost the same age. I'm 50 and will be 51 in another few months. Ages here generally range from early 20s to about early or mid-60s.

[OsoWeakbutHeIsStrong]

Yes, obviously it was God's will that I find a church.  I'm beginning to see that.  For the last 3 1/2 years (since I was born again) I've been churchless.  It's been difficult, but I also understand that God's timing is perfect, because I've been refined a little since then and am not as rough around the edges as I was in the beginning.  I probably would have been banned for good reasons.

I've had time alone with God where He has chastened me and got me on the right path.  I have a story to tell about something beautiful that He did for me lately, but I'm not sure where I should post it in the forum.  It's a testimony about pride and what He did for me in that area of my life.  Should I write it here? or put it somewhere else?  Maybe under the "general" topics part of the forum?

***That's cool that there are others that listen to Nate! I'm so excited to meet you all.

[Rowan M.]

I've had time alone with God where He has chastened me and got me on the right path.  I have a story to tell about something beautiful that He did for me lately, but I'm not sure where I should post it in the forum.  It's a testimony about pride and what He did for me in that area of my life.  Should I write it here? or put it somewhere else?  Maybe under the "general" topics part of the forum?

It probably wouldn't be out of place in this thread, but since it's from your recent Christian walk rather than part of your salvation testimony, maybe it would be better to share that story in another part of the forum. "General Discussion" would likely be the best place for that. See which way others lean though.

[Ellie]

Hi Annalisa,

I really enjoyed reading about your testimony. The way that God brought you out of all the drugs and false conversion was really good to read about. I always enjoy those parts of a testimony because we all have different circumstances that we come from but seeing God's mercies in those different circumstances is amazing.

I have a story to tell about something beautiful that He did for me lately, but I'm not sure where I should post it in the forum.  It's a testimony about pride and what He did for me in that area of my life.  Should I write it here? or put it somewhere else?  Maybe under the "general" topics part of the forum?

Yes go ahead and post it on the general section. I look forward to reading it.

[OsoWeakbutHeIsStrong]

Cool!!  Praise God!  I'll put it in the general section then.