Author Topic: Hi  (Read 8289 times)

Anna G

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Hi
« on: December 25, 2021, 08:47:08 PM »
Hi, my name is Anna. I was born in England in the 1970s, and my family (my dad, my mum, my elder sister and me) moved to New Zealand two days before I turned nine. Other than a short-lived attempt to move back to England in my early twenties, I’ve lived in New Zealand ever since.

I was raised in a non-Christian family, and I never went to church when I was growing up. My dad was/is an atheist. When I was growing up my mother believed in Jesus in the false Anglican/Catholic church-state sense (which was the predominant culture in England at the time), and I suspect she would have mistakenly believed herself to be a Christian. She was also influenced by the occult, and she later followed this path fully – it grieves me that she has followed the teachings of ‘A Course in Miracles’ for over 20 years now. My elder sister is a doctor who (I think still) believes in evolution and the big bang, and appears to adhere strongly to the world’s systems/wisdom/knowledge.

Looking back, I think one of the great blessings I had in my childhood in England was that Christianity (although the false church-state version I mentioned above) was clearly visible in the direct culture around me, which enabled me to get a very general understanding about Jesus early on. I can honestly say that I always believed that Jesus was the Son of God, and I never doubted that as a child. (I do believe that if someone had explained correct doctrine and repentance to me then, that I would likely have been born-again at a young age.)

I had a spiritual yearning from a young age, and in my teenage years I tried to fill this need by going into occult areas. As I see now, this was already in my family from my mother’s side. I experimented with a number of New Age beliefs over these years.

I also started to have what the world would call ‘issues’. I was depressed often, attempted suicide when I was about 19, had a drinking problem for a good few years, and also did quite a bit of self-harm.

One day during this period, I was part of a seemingly innocent conversation, when something a person said convicted me of a specific sin that I’d committed. An instant, deep and profound sense of shame and dirtiness came on me – from that moment on – and stayed with me for years. Nothing I tried to think or believe or do or say would take it away: from then on, a sense of shame and dirtiness was constantly with me.

Then in my early twenties I started to feel Jesus call me. It was like He put a magnet on my heart – I just felt Him drawing me to Him. Both directly, i.e. I could sense His presence, and indirectly, i.e. through some Christians that He put around me at the time. Interestingly, again, I never doubted He was real. My problem was in my heart – my problem was in responding and submitting myself to Him in humility. I kept pushing Him away in my pride for a number of years – I remember saying things like ‘Go away! I don’t need you! Christianity is for losers! I’m not a loser!’

Of course, the truth is that I really was a loser. And one day, when I was 26, I just had no will left inside to lie to myself or God about that anymore. I’d just come to the end of myself. I didn’t have the Christian language of calling myself ‘a sinner’. I’d never heard of ‘the sinner’s prayer’ or any other ‘Christianese’. All I knew is that I was filled with deep pain, shame, and remorse for my life – and I needed and wanted God. I didn’t want to go on any longer without Him. I hated who I was, and I hated how I’d lived my life.

And it was in this state that I finally surrendered myself to Jesus. It was a sincere and intimate interaction just between me and Him. I was filled with a deep joy and peace that I’d never experienced before. My life suddenly had the meaning and purpose I’d always craved, and all I wanted to do was be with Jesus, and serve Him all my life from that moment forward.

After a while, I started to deeply crave fellowship with other Christians. So, I did what I thought was the right thing to do, and entered the mainstream church system.

Because of a woman who I knew at the time (who, when looking back, was clearly not born-again) I started going to a Pentecostal church, as well as occasionally visiting an Anglican church nearby. After a few years I moved to a large non-denominational church where I stayed for about three years. My life at this time revolved heavily around this church: I loved serving (I mistakenly thought I was Biblically serving God at the time, though I know now that some of the activities I was involved in were unbiblical) and I loved the sense of finally belonging to a church family who (I thought at the time) genuinely loved me.

I was an extremely naïve and very immature girl (even for my age). I thought everyone who called themselves a Christian, truly was a Christian. I generally assumed that every regular churchgoer was born-again. I was so naively trusting, and for the most part (though I had a few doctrinal questions), I obediently believed what I was taught within the mainstream church. Looking back, I can see the doctrine I was being taught was very leavened, and to my shame I had readily accepted a lot of false ‘New Age Christianity’ teachings, whilst at the same time genuinely believing that I was living a sanctified Christian life.

Then, after about seven years as a Christian, God put me through the greatest test that I’d been through. I experienced rejection/disconnection from the most important relationships in my life within a short period of time: my pastor, my ‘spiritual mentor/mother’, a close friend, and the man who I had wanted to marry, as well as others. It was one relationship after the other. I didn’t realise it at the time, but I had made some of the people in my life idols in my heart.

I moved to a smaller city, withdrew contact from most of my friends and became very depressed. I can honestly say that this happened because of my wicked self-obsession and willful disobedience to God’s word: I let my deep anger and bitterness – along with my emotions – consume and rule my life, my thoughts, and my decisions at this time. I stopped reading the Bible (though I read the corrupt NIV at the time, which I know now is not the word of God), I stopped attending church, and I generally stopped interacting with Christians.

And instead of turning to God for His comfort as I had always done previously, I turned away from Him.

(There were other sins which came up in my heart at the same time which I won’t go into here. A scripture which I’ve heard Christopher use often applies well to me at this time: “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” Jeremiah 17:9.)

And in this state, I made the choice to sin against God. The redacted/condensed/sanitised version is that I married a non-Christian man (a Catholic). We were together for about seven years, and I left him about seven years ago for my safety. He has drug and alcohol issues. He is not a good man, and has committed grievous sins against a good number of people. We are separated, but still married. I am now trying to talk to him about the Lord, and am praying that he will come to deep repentance before God for his sin.

(I’ve deliberately kept the last few paragraphs simple, but I could go into great detail about the sins I committed that took me down the path I chose, along with the lessons the Lord has very graciously taught me from the very painful and long-term consequences of my sins.)

I came back to God in proper repentance about four years ago, and have fully rededicated my life to Him since then. It has been the most deeply painful experience of my life. I’ve spent a lot of the past few years in tears of grief. Not because of the painful experiences from my relationship with my husband, as I expect most people would suppose. But because of my sin against God. Because I betrayed God, the one I’d given my whole life to, and had proclaimed to love above all else. It’s a pain like no other I’ve ever experienced. And, although I know the Lord God has forgiven me, I’ve accepted that I may well have pain and sadness about this for the rest of my life – the chastening of the Lord has humbled me and changed me on a deep level which I can’t quite articulate.

I’ve learned a good number of lessons from my rebellion, but here are some of the major ones:
1. The fear of the Lord, and the holiness of the Lord. “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom: and the knowledge of the holy is understanding.” Proverbs 9:10.
2. I’ve learned to accept the consequences of my choices, and to take full responsibility for my sin. “God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap” Galatians 6:7.
3. I now try to follow God’s word alone, not my own words, thoughts or feelings. I now see the rejection of God’s word as a rejection of God Himself.

So, after all these years I think I’m now finally starting to live the Christian life in obedient sanctification. It’s deeply saddening to me that I’ve wasted so many years.

I am now generally quite a sober person, in thought, speech, action and appearance, and I believe I now represent the Lord far better than I ever have before to the people around me. The Christian call to sobriety, in general, is a Biblical command that I have learned to truly value over the past few years. “Wherefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and hope to the end for the grace that is to be brought unto you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” 1 Peter 1:13.

I am now also prayerful and thorough in studying doctrine, which is both of major importance and great enjoyment to me. I now try to hold everything up to God’s Word – what I think, feel, believe, see, hear … “Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ” 2 Corinthians 10:5.

I found Christopher’s teachings at the beginning of the year, and have been deeply blessed and edified by them since then. I think the repentance teaching puts into words what a born-again believer innately understands, though they may not have the words to describe. It’s given me the simple, Biblical language to articulate what seemed so hard to put into words before. I personally think that every professing Christian should hear this teaching.

I now understand that mainstream ‘Christianity’ is riddled with unbiblical teachings and practices, and I suspect that most of the professing Christians I know are not actually born-again. I am introducing myself here as I can see that the people in this community are truly trying to live Biblically sanctified lives, which is rare to find. 

So, I hope I have given you enough information about myself. I’m happy to answer any questions you may have.

Anna

Ellie

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Re: Hi
« Reply #1 on: December 25, 2021, 10:44:39 PM »
Hi Anna,

I'm Ellie, it's nice to read your testimony as I can see the humility in what you've told us about your life. It seems like you've been through a lot even after being saved and I'm glad that God has brought you to where you are now. And I'm also glad you've found CLE teachings and that they've helped you. Out of curiosity, do you remember how you first found the site or which teaching led you here?

I hope that you're finally able to find the fellowship you've desired with us here. Again, I'm glad to read your post and I look forward to hearing more from you.  :)
"Sorrow is better than laughter: for by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better." (Ecclesiastes 7:3)

heathertaylor

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Re: Hi
« Reply #2 on: December 26, 2021, 12:43:45 AM »
Hello Anna
 I agree with Ellie... I enjoyed reading this post. I noticed your humility and it's refreshing to see this. Im glad you found this website and that it has helped you as it has helped me as well. I found this website about a year ago. I relate a lot to your story. I craved A relationship with God and believed if someone said they was Christian then they was and I went to a Pentecostal church for 15 years or so. Im thankful to the Lord for bringing me out of that and leading me here to meet other born again Christians.  :)
But most importantly I'm thankful for Jesus making a way for us by his shed blood. And that he gave me repentance and forgiveness. I do not deserve his grace.
 Can't wait to hear more from you Anna
« Last Edit: December 26, 2021, 12:47:12 AM by heathertaylor »
2 Peter 3:9 - The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.

anvilhauler

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Re: Hi
« Reply #3 on: December 26, 2021, 12:57:53 AM »
Hi Anna

Welcome to the forum.  That was interesting to read your introduction and your testimony of coming to Christ.  I hope you find us to be a group that you can fellowship with as you continue your Christian life.

Although I have been here for a number of years I still haven't submitted my full testimony of my coming to Christ but I have been writing that recently and have also written about my mother growing up in England during the war years and having that same Church of England culture so I can very much relate to what you wrote.  :)

There's a few of us from New Zealand on the forum and I'm New Zealand born and live in Wakari in Dunedin.  The others might be interested to know where you are too.

I'm sure you will find everyone one here very friendly and the other women very encouraging.
And the remnant of Jacob shall be in the midst of many people as a dew from the Lord, as the showers upon the grass, that tarrieth not for man, nor waiteth for the sons of men.  Micah 5:7 Authorized (King James) Version (AKJV)

Rowan M.

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Re: Hi
« Reply #4 on: December 26, 2021, 03:05:16 AM »
Hi, my name is Anna.

Hi Anna. I think I've seen you somewhere before. :) Before I continue, I should disclose that Anna and I have been talking and fellowshipping online for the past couple of months, so I'm already familiar with some of her story. I also know where she lives (her city, I mean!), but she can disclose that when she's ready. I've recently encouraged her to join CLE, since she doesn't have a good church (house, building, any kind really) where she lives. If she did have that, she wouldn't need the fellowship here the same, although more fellowship with other believers never hurts. Anyway, a very warm welcome to you, Anna. I'm glad you've been able to make it. CLE has been a real blessing to me since I joined it six months ago, and I'm sure it will be for you too (well, you've already been blessed by some of the teachings). Before I dive deeper into your introduction, I want to echo one of Ellie's observations: your introductory post is permeated by a humility that indicates a truly repentant heart. Even if I had not already made your acquaintance previously, and this had been my first introduction to you, that humility (which I've already seen in you before) would have given me confidence that you are born again.

With those initial remarks out of the way, I'm now going to comment on a few specific aspects of your post. For the most part, I'll concentrate on those aspects of your story that I didn't know about, and won't comment so much on what I've known previously, unless I think I can make an observation that's of general benefit to all.

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I was raised in a non-Christian family, and I never went to church when I was growing up. My dad was/is an atheist. When I was growing up my mother believed in Jesus in the false Anglican/Catholic church-state sense (which was the predominant culture in England at the time), and I suspect she would have mistakenly believed herself to be a Christian. She was also influenced by the occult, and she later followed this path fully – it grieves me that she has followed the teachings of ‘A Course in Miracles’ for over 20 years now. My elder sister is a doctor who (I think still) believes in evolution and the big bang, and appears to adhere strongly to the world’s systems/wisdom/knowledge.

I can see how your mother's beliefs had an influence on you for both better and worse. At least you had some exposure to Biblical ideas, which kind of laid a foundation for later, but of course her interest in the occult would have influenced your subsequent dabblings as a teenager. It's certainly very sad that she has become so immersed in A Course in Miracles, which as I'm sure you know, has been demonically channelled. My own mother was heavily opposed to all things occult (which certainly helped me stay away from it), yet in more recent years, she has taken an interest in the "Jesus Calling" books. She has two of them, and they too are demonically channelled. I have tried to warn her about them, but as with anything I warn her about, she doesn't want to listen.  :( Interesting that your sister is a doctor. I suppose that would make her a big believer in the COVID-19 vaccines, although there are some doctors who are sceptical. Given her overall beliefs though, it seems highly likely that she would be pro-vaccine.

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Looking back, I think one of the great blessings I had in my childhood in England was that Christianity (although the false church-state version I mentioned above) was clearly visible in the direct culture around me, which enabled me to get a very general understanding about Jesus early on. I can honestly say that I always believed that Jesus was the Son of God, and I never doubted that as a child. (I do believe that if someone had explained correct doctrine and repentance to me then, that I would likely have been born-again at a young age.)

I find this quite relatable, because as a child, I also believed, without doubting, that Jesus is the Son of God, and that He died and rose again. That was less to do with the culture though (which was already quite secular), and more with my mother's influence. However, I also used to believe in Santa Claus without doubting for quite a few of my younger years, and I certainly wasn't born again back then. But while I obviously stopped believing in Santa as I got older, I don't think I ever wavered in believing the right things about Jesus. The key problem I had was the lack of repentance.

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I had a spiritual yearning from a young age, and in my teenage years I tried to fill this need by going into occult areas. As I see now, this was already in my family from my mother’s side. I experimented with a number of New Age beliefs over these years.

I also started to have what the world would call ‘issues’. I was depressed often, attempted suicide when I was about 19, had a drinking problem for a good few years, and also did quite a bit of self-harm.

As I'm sure you would understand now, getting involved in New Age and occult practices, even just experimenting or dabbling, opens you up to all manner of demonic influences. The devils that were able to gain access to you at this time undoubtedly caused your issues. Indeed, if you read about the behaviour of devils in the Bible (and the Gospels especially), you will see some of these exact same behaviours. For example, the man possessed by "Legion" cut himself with stones (self-harm). And when all his devils were cast out of him and entered a herd of nearby pigs, they caused those pigs to commit suicide. Praise God for His mercy that your own suicide attempt was unsuccessful!

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One day during this period, I was part of a seemingly innocent conversation, when something a person said convicted me of a specific sin that I’d committed. An instant, deep and profound sense of shame and dirtiness came on me – from that moment on – and stayed with me for years. Nothing I tried to think or believe or do or say would take it away: from then on, a sense of shame and dirtiness was constantly with me.

Do you know whether this person was a Christian? I suppose though that if He so wishes, God can use even the words of non-Christians to convict us sometimes. In any case, it sounds like perhaps a seed of repentance was planted in your heart at that moment.

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Then in my early twenties I started to feel Jesus call me. It was like He put a magnet on my heart – I just felt Him drawing me to Him. Both directly, i.e. I could sense His presence, and indirectly, i.e. through some Christians that He put around me at the time. Interestingly, again, I never doubted He was real. My problem was in my heart – my problem was in responding and submitting myself to Him in humility. I kept pushing Him away in my pride for a number of years – I remember saying things like ‘Go away! I don’t need you! Christianity is for losers! I’m not a loser!’

I'm sure that you were being drawn through the witness of those Christians in particular. Without realising it, they were probably watering the seed that had been unknowingly planted in your heart by that other person a few years earlier. I can very much relate to the heart problem you had, especially the "responding and submitting myself to Him in humility". Pride was a big problem for me too, although another issue I had was idols in my heart, and a desire to hang on to certain pet sins.

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Of course, the truth is that I really was a loser. And one day, when I was 26, I just had no will left inside to lie to myself or God about that anymore. I’d just come to the end of myself. I didn’t have the Christian language of calling myself ‘a sinner’. I’d never heard of ‘the sinner’s prayer’ or any other ‘Christianese’. All I knew is that I was filled with deep pain, shame, and remorse for my life – and I needed and wanted God. I didn’t want to go on any longer without Him. I hated who I was, and I hated how I’d lived my life.

You sound a little bit like Job when he said that he abhorred himself (see Job 42:6). I remember feeling a similar self-loathing and disgust back in September 2011. One verse that particularly convicted me back then was 2 Timothy 2:19, Nevertheless the foundation of God standeth sure, having this seal, The Lord knoweth them that are his. And, Let every one that nameth the name of Christ depart from iniquity. I was very conscious of just how full of iniquity I was, and it sounds like you had a similar understanding at that time.

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And it was in this state that I finally surrendered myself to Jesus. It was a sincere and intimate interaction just between me and Him. I was filled with a deep joy and peace that I’d never experienced before. My life suddenly had the meaning and purpose I’d always craved, and all I wanted to do was be with Jesus, and serve Him all my life from that moment forward.

When you say you surrendered yourself to Jesus, you definitely believed on Him in that moment - that is, on the sufficiency of His shed blood on the cross to redeem you and wash away all your sins? Just want to make sure of that. At any rate though, it is clear that you experienced a profound change in your heart that I reckon could only come from being born again. In particular, that desire to serve Christ indicates that you had been made a new creature in Him.

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After a while, I started to deeply crave fellowship with other Christians. So, I did what I thought was the right thing to do, and entered the mainstream church system.

Because of a woman who I knew at the time (who, when looking back, was clearly not born-again) I started going to a Pentecostal church, as well as occasionally visiting an Anglican church nearby. After a few years I moved to a large non-denominational church where I stayed for about three years. My life at this time revolved heavily around this church: I loved serving (I mistakenly thought I was Biblically serving God at the time, though I know now that some of the activities I was involved in were unbiblical) and I loved the sense of finally belonging to a church family who (I thought at the time) genuinely loved me.

The desire you had for fellowship with other Christians is another sign of you having been made a new creature. When we're lost and of the world, we want to associate with those of like mind. Then after being born again, we want to associate with people who are of the same spirit and mind as us. However, when you're born again, you become a sort of "spiritual baby" and have a lot of learning and growing to do. So I can see how some of that spiritual immaturity would have led you into those leavened churches. But your love of serving, even though some of it wasn't the right kind, is another indication of your new nature.

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I was an extremely naïve and very immature girl (even for my age). I thought everyone who called themselves a Christian, truly was a Christian. I generally assumed that every regular churchgoer was born-again. I was so naively trusting, and for the most part (though I had a few doctrinal questions), I obediently believed what I was taught within the mainstream church. Looking back, I can see the doctrine I was being taught was very leavened, and to my shame I had readily accepted a lot of false ‘New Age Christianity’ teachings, whilst at the same time genuinely believing that I was living a sanctified Christian life.

I think this was part of the spiritual immaturity that I referred to in my previous paragraph. You didn't have very good discernment yet. I used to be similarly naïve, especially in my teenage years and 20s. I didn't go to church all that much, but I used to listen regularly to the leavened Radio Rhema and take a lot of what I heard on there as gospel truth. Of course, there was some truth on there, but an enormous amount of false doctrine too. I'm sure that most of the false doctrine on Rhema reflects the same false doctrine of the mainstream churches.

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Then, after about seven years as a Christian, God put me through the greatest test that I’d been through. I experienced rejection/disconnection from the most important relationships in my life within a short period of time: my pastor, my ‘spiritual mentor/mother’, a close friend, and the man who I had wanted to marry, as well as others. It was one relationship after the other. I didn’t realise it at the time, but I had made some of the people in my life idols in my heart.

Sooner or later, God allows Satan to test us (see the first two chapters of Job) and sift us as wheat, as Jesus said to Peter in Luke 22:31. I think that's what happened to you. I am sort of reminded of stuff that happened to me in 2015, when someone I really liked turned out to be a heretic. But also at that time, a few other friendships went by the wayside, and a preacher I liked listening to was conclusively exposed as a Diotrephes, and it just seemed like the world as I knew it fell apart in various ways. In a way though, it's a little like what happened to Job, when he suddenly experienced one calamity after another. I think that if the Devil is given permission to attack us, he does his best to overwhelm us.

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I moved to a smaller city, withdrew contact from most of my friends and became very depressed. I can honestly say that this happened because of my wicked self-obsession and willful disobedience to God’s word: I let my deep anger and bitterness – along with my emotions – consume and rule my life, my thoughts, and my decisions at this time. I stopped reading the Bible (though I read the corrupt NIV at the time, which I know now is not the word of God), I stopped attending church, and I generally stopped interacting with Christians.

And instead of turning to God for His comfort as I had always done previously, I turned away from Him.

I can relate to the anger and bitterness, withdrawing from people, not reading the Bible and not interacting with Christians after my own shocks of 2015. However, in my particular case, I ended up developing a gaming addiction for a while. That became my "drug" to numb the pain. It wasn't quite the only "drug", but it was the most significant in that it was what I spent (or rather wasted) the most time on. I made the exact same mistake you did - turning away from God as I allowed bitterness to take root in my heart, instead of turning to Him.

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I came back to God in proper repentance about four years ago, and have fully rededicated my life to Him since then. It has been the most deeply painful experience of my life. I’ve spent a lot of the past few years in tears of grief. Not because of the painful experiences from my relationship with my husband, as I expect most people would suppose. But because of my sin against God. Because I betrayed God, the one I’d given my whole life to, and had proclaimed to love above all else. It’s a pain like no other I’ve ever experienced. And, although I know the Lord God has forgiven me, I’ve accepted that I may well have pain and sadness about this for the rest of my life – the chastening of the Lord has humbled me and changed me on a deep level which I can’t quite articulate.

Once again, having repented myself at the start of this year, I can relate a great deal to that sense of deep shame over sin against God. There are days when I feel quite utterly disgusted with myself, even though, like you, I know I'm forgiven.

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I’ve learned a good number of lessons from my rebellion, but here are some of the major ones:
1. The fear of the Lord, and the holiness of the Lord. “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom: and the knowledge of the holy is understanding.” Proverbs 9:10.
2. I’ve learned to accept the consequences of my choices, and to take full responsibility for my sin. “God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap” Galatians 6:7.
3. I now try to follow God’s word alone, not my own words, thoughts or feelings. I now see the rejection of God’s word as a rejection of God Himself.

These are all excellent and valuable lessons, and ones I have learned as well.

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So, after all these years I think I’m now finally starting to live the Christian life in obedient sanctification. It’s deeply saddening to me that I’ve wasted so many years.

I feel a similar sadness that I've spent so much of my life foolishly walking after my own lusts rather than walking in obedience to God. So yet again, very relatable.

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I am now generally quite a sober person, in thought, speech, action and appearance, and I believe I now represent the Lord far better than I ever have before to the people around me. The Christian call to sobriety, in general, is a Biblical command that I have learned to truly value over the past few years. “Wherefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and hope to the end for the grace that is to be brought unto you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” 1 Peter 1:13.

Although I have never been one for alcohol or drugs, there have still been other things that I've got "drunk" on in my life, such as TV shows, pop music, porn and gaming. So I too have had to learn what it is to be truly sober. Another good verse about sobriety is this one: Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour (1 Peter 5:8 ) When we're not sober, we can become sitting ducks for the Devil.

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I am now also prayerful and thorough in studying doctrine, which is both of major importance and great enjoyment to me. I now try to hold everything up to God’s Word – what I think, feel, believe, see, hear … “Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ” 2 Corinthians 10:5.

Too many Christians - even some truly saved ones - are careless about doctrine. This can certainly be true of those Christians who are "newborns" or "toddlers" in the faith. But over time, the Holy Spirit gives us a love for the truth and greater understanding as we apply ourselves more to studying the Word. So I think your love for sound doctrine shows a growing maturity in your faith. I do love that verse about casting down imaginations, especially since my own imagination can still be quite active at times and be inclined to wander into all sorts of areas where it shouldn't. Of course, another great verse when it comes to studying doctrine is this one: Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth. (2 Timothy 2:15)

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I think the repentance teaching puts into words what a born-again believer innately understands, though they may not have the words to describe. It’s given me the simple, Biblical language to articulate what seemed so hard to put into words before. I personally think that every professing Christian should hear this teaching.

Agreed. It made quite a difference to me when I came across it in November of 2020.

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I now understand that mainstream ‘Christianity’ is riddled with unbiblical teachings and practices, and I suspect that most of the professing Christians I know are not actually born-again. I am introducing myself here as I can see that the people in this community are truly trying to live Biblically sanctified lives, which is rare to find.

It's scary just how far away so-called mainstream Christianity has departed from the Bible. We have definitely entered these times: For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears; And they shall turn away their ears from the truth, and shall be turned unto fables. (1 Timothy 4:3-4) There's just no love for the truth anymore, and even an outright hostility to it among many so-called Christian churches today. As you say, it is rare to find people who are born again and trying to live sanctified lives. I suppose it's been rare in any age, really, but it seems especially rare now. So once again, a very hearty welcome to you.
Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth (John 17:17)

Anna G

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Re: Hi
« Reply #5 on: December 26, 2021, 06:13:20 PM »
And I'm also glad you've found CLE teachings and that they've helped you. Out of curiosity, do you remember how you first found the site or which teaching led you here?

Hi Ellie

Thanks for your response to my story, and for being so welcoming.

I found Christopher’s teachings because I was searching YouTube (I think in December/January) for a solid teaching about why it’s not Biblical for women to be pastors, and I found Christopher’s two-part series ‘Can women be pastors?’ From there I started to engage with his YouTube teachings, and over time I moved to the CLE website.

I was looking for this teaching because, after I came back to God, I made friends with a Christian woman who was a pastor in a small rural church. She didn’t tell me that she was a pastor when I first got to know her – she revealed that a little later in the relationship after I asked her opinion on the subject of female pastors. Earlier this year I told her that it wasn’t Biblical for her to be a pastor, and I haven’t heard from her since. I believe she has likely received rebuke from quite a few other Christians, as her church split when she became the pastor.

I admit that in the days when I attended mainstream church, I thought it was okay for women to be pastors because it’s so normalised in those institutions. This is something I’m quite ashamed of now, and I’m very grateful that my understanding on this subject has been corrected. I now believe that this is a very rebellious sin which has severe and grievous consequences.

Anyway, thanks again for your reply.

Anna G

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Re: Hi
« Reply #6 on: December 26, 2021, 06:48:15 PM »
I hope you find us to be a group that you can fellowship with as you continue your Christian life.

Although I have been here for a number of years I still haven't submitted my full testimony of my coming to Christ but I have been writing that recently and have also written about my mother growing up in England during the war years and having that same Church of England culture so I can very much relate to what you wrote.  :)

There's a few of us from New Zealand on the forum and I'm New Zealand born and live in Wakari in Dunedin.  The others might be interested to know where you are too.

Hi Kevin

Thanks for your response and for introducing yourself to me – it’s great to touch base with a New Zealander! As you may know, I’ve been in touch with Rowan online for a few months now (and I’ve also being reading some of the pages on this forum over the past few months), so I already ‘knew about you’. It’s good to finally meet you properly, albeit online.

I’m in the lower North Island, and am about a two-hour drive away from Rowan. I see you’re quite remote down there in the South Island – I’m thinking that may work well for you bearing in mind the times we are in.

I’d be interested to read your testimony when it’s prepared. If your mother grew up in England during the war years, then I can imagine you do understand the Church of England culture far more than the average New Zealander today. As you likely know, a lot of British people think that simply being born into this church, and being christened as a baby, is what makes them a Christian.

I look forward to talking to you more, Kevin.

Jeanne

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Re: Hi
« Reply #7 on: December 27, 2021, 10:57:05 AM »
Hi Anna, and welcome from me, too! I enjoyed reading your testimony very much and look forward to talking with you more. I'm very glad you found us here, and hope you find the fellowship you've been looking for.

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Re: Hi
« Reply #8 on: December 27, 2021, 06:47:58 PM »
Hello and welcome from me too, Anna!

Thanks for sharing your testimony, I enjoyed reading it as well and it gives me some important things to keep in mind.

One thing was you said how you had made the people in your life into idols, something I haven't really thought much about recently. People more clearly idolize celebrities and people of high station, but they can also just as easily idolize people they know.
I've noticed people even idolize the idea of relationships as well, like marriage or friendships. I know I did to some extent, especially the idea friendship when I was younger. Good for me to keep in mind this tendency, idols aren't nearly so easy to spot when they're in the heart.

Another was the importance of being firm in the foundation of repentance. We can still be rebellious and and sin against God even after being born again, but we must repent for everything we are conscious of. Cause though this foundation was laid, it must be kept strong for us to build upon it. But it is a painful thing, especially when we need to repent repeatedly. So there have been many times where I have pushed it off, but of course that only makes things much worse. Especially when we have the understanding that we need to, like I have had. But thank God that he will have mercy on us when we are repentant. But thank the Lord again, when the time comes where we won't need to repent any longer,

“And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.” - Revelation 21:4

I found it very interesting how you describe being born again without knowing the vocabulary. Cause I knew all the vocabulary, and said a number of sinner's prayers, but of course that didn't help. It wasn't until I understood the need for repentance from reading Chris' repentance teaching. I agree, every professing Christian needs to read it!

It's cool to see more people in this corner of the earth on the forum! I'm located up in Auckland. Looking forward to reading more from you.  :)
For God is my King of old, working salvation in the midst of the earth. - Psalm 74:12

Anna G

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Re: Hi
« Reply #9 on: December 28, 2021, 02:14:23 AM »
Im glad you found this website and that it has helped you as it has helped me as well. I found this website about a year ago. I relate a lot to your story. I craved A relationship with God and believed if someone said they was Christian then they was and I went to a Pentecostal church for 15 years or so. Im thankful to the Lord for bringing me out of that and leading me here to meet other born again Christians.  :)
But most importantly I'm thankful for Jesus making a way for us by his shed blood. And that he gave me repentance and forgiveness. I do not deserve his grace.

Hi Heather

Thank you for your welcoming words.

I’m pleased that the Lord has also led you out of the unbiblical Pentecostal church and that you’ve found these Bible-based teachings as well.

I understand your gratitude for the Lord’s repentance and forgiveness. I think it’s something we really treasure once we understand that it’s the few, rather than the majority, who genuinely receive these gifts.

It’s been a lonely few years for me since returning to God, but in a good way actually, as it’s helped me accept and embrace the sadness and mourning that I think naturally comes from being sanctified to the Lord Jesus. (Feelings which I was very much trying to run away from and avoid during the period of testing that I went through all those years ago.) One of the most saddening things for me now is interacting with the professing Christians around me, as so few show any real evidence of being born-again, or genuinely wanting to know the true God of the Bible. The strait gate and the narrow way that Jesus talked about has become very salient to me now.

As an aside, I believe the period of testing that I mentioned in my story was actually God trying to grow me up and sanctify me from the false Bibles and false churches I’d been involved in. I do believe that if I had trusted Him at the time instead of fighting Him, that I would have experienced then the sanctification that He’s been doing in my life over the past few years. I came to God as a very immature person, especially relationally. ‘Growing up’ was probably never going to be a comfortable experience, but in my foolishness, I chose to make it far longer and more painful than it needed to be. I’m grateful for the very undeserved mercy and faithfulness the Lord has shown me.

“If thou, LORD, shouldest mark iniquities, O Lord, who shall stand? But there is forgiveness with thee, that thou mayest be feared.” Psalm 130:3-4.

Thank you for responding to my story Heather.

Anna G

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Re: Hi
« Reply #10 on: December 30, 2021, 03:00:19 AM »
Hi Anna, and welcome from me, too! I enjoyed reading your testimony very much and look forward to talking with you more. I'm very glad you found us here, and hope you find the fellowship you've been looking for.

Hi Jeanne, thanks for your warm welcome, it's much appreciated  :)

Anna G

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Re: Hi
« Reply #11 on: December 30, 2021, 03:05:16 AM »
Hello and welcome from me too, Anna!

Hi Joshua and Rowan

Joshua, it’s lovely to e-meet you! Thanks for your messages – I’m having quite a busy time at the moment but will respond to you both when I can give a reply with the deserved time and energy.

Anna

Anna G

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Re: Hi
« Reply #12 on: January 05, 2022, 02:49:30 AM »
Hello and welcome from me too, Anna!
One thing was you said how you had made the people in your life into idols, something I haven't really thought much about recently. People more clearly idolize celebrities and people of high station, but they can also just as easily idolize people they know.
I've noticed people even idolize the idea of relationships as well, like marriage or friendships. I know I did to some extent, especially the idea friendship when I was younger. Good for me to keep in mind this tendency, idols aren't nearly so easy to spot when they're in the heart.

Another was the importance of being firm in the foundation of repentance. We can still be rebellious and and sin against God even after being born again, but we must repent for everything we are conscious of. Cause though this foundation was laid, it must be kept strong for us to build upon it. But it is a painful thing, especially when we need to repent repeatedly. So there have been many times where I have pushed it off, but of course that only makes things much worse. Especially when we have the understanding that we need to, like I have had.

Hi Joshua

Thanks for your patience with receiving this proper response. (My modem stopped working on Saturday and because of the long public holiday I’ve been without Internet at home for four days, so I’m a little behind with everything.)

As I said before, it’s good to meet you! Like with Anvilhauler, I had already heard of you through things I had read on the forum and also via Rowan.

I lived in central Auckland in my early adulthood – that’s where I became a Christian and had the church experiences that I mentioned in my story. It’s a beautiful city, and I do miss living near the sea, but otherwise, I no longer consider it my home like I used to. (But then, I don’t really consider anywhere in this world my home anymore.)

I’m glad my story edified you in some way. When I look back, I see that relationships have always been an area of weakness for me, especially in the temptation to (often unknowingly) idolise people in my heart, which as you say, is not always easy to spot. I’m grateful that I’m now very aware of this and I’m now vigilant in this area. I don’t think I realised just how much of a weakness this was for me all those years ago. But looking back, I realise I had a lot of pride in my heart that I wasn’t aware of, and I underestimated my own sinful nature at the time, much to my detriment.

You are right in your reminder that seeking God’s forgiveness through repentance isn’t a once-off experience, but rather a foundation. It’s something that we continue to do on an ongoing basis when we are walking in obedience. Day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, and even second by second at times! I’m also vigilant about this now, because I see that I slowly let sin take root in my life during my rebellious period because (among other reasons) I stopped doing this very thing.

I’m now far more aware of the pride that’s in my heart and I understand my need to pray for God to protect me from myself. I now take heed of Jesus’ words: “Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak” Matthew 26:41.
 
I really enjoyed reading your own introduction Joshua. I was particularly taken with how beautifully faithful God was in answering your prayer for Him to give you repentance: “Later that night in late January I woke up suddenly and I just started weeping and crying with sorrow unto God for all the wrong I had done unto him”. That really touched me and encouraged me. It was a good reminder to me of how the Lord can touch the hearts of the people we are praying for.

Anna G

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Re: Hi
« Reply #13 on: January 08, 2022, 02:51:01 AM »
Hi Anna. I think I've seen you somewhere before. :)
... Anyway, a very warm welcome to you, Anna. I'm glad you've been able to make it.
... With those initial remarks out of the way, I'm now going to comment on a few specific aspects of your post. For the most part, I'll concentrate on those aspects of your story that I didn't know about, and won't comment so much on what I've known previously, unless I think I can make an observation that's of general benefit to all.
... So once again, a very hearty welcome to you.

Hi Rowan

Thank you for your warm welcome, and for your patience in receiving this response from me.

Thanks for your comments – it was interesting to read how you related to certain things that I’ve been through.

You made some separate points about faith in Jesus which I think tie together nicely. The concept of false Christs, as found for example in A Course in Miracles and the Jesus Calling books, is an important one to address. Looking back, I see that I was protected by God in this respect because I didn’t mix Jesus with the New Age teachings that I engaged in before I became a Christian. I always seemed to know that the Jesus of the Bible was different and separate to the false Jesus which is taught in various New Age philosophies. It just didn’t make sense to me that there was such a difference between who He says He is, and who they say he is.

I’m very saddened that there are people I deeply care about who cannot say the same thing. They have taken Jesus out of the Bible, they have denied Him as God, and have assigned very wicked and blasphemous qualities/personalities/characteristics to Him. They also pick and choose which parts of the Bible they think are true or not – as well as which scriptures apply to them or not – which are other heresies you are likely well aware of.

I think coming to Christ was easier for me than for someone who has believed in one of the many false Christ teachings that are around (whether that be via any New Age philosophy, or any pseudo-Christianity teachings/cults out there) because I hadn’t engaged with any really obvious false doctrine about Jesus to begin with.

And so, when I came to Christ there was a clear delineation in my mind which made things easier in this respect: I was specifically talking to the Jesus of the Bible and was not talking to any other god or false Christ. As I alluded to in my story (though it was maybe not sufficiently detailed) I knew the basic doctrine of the Christian faith: that Jesus is the Son of God, that He died for our sins and was resurrected on the third day, that He is the Saviour of the world, and that no man can come to the Father but by Him, etc. When I came to Christ, I certainly didn’t have a fully formed or detailed intellectual understanding of everything doctrinally, I just believed in Him in very childlike simplicity. I believed He was who He said He was, and that He’d done what He said He’d done.

As I only knew the very basics of the faith when I was born again, when I started attending church I just assumed that the people around me who’d been Christians for years understood so much more than me – this is one of the reasons I trusted them so readily. As a babe in Christ, I just wish I’d known that all I needed to do was obediently follow the true Word of God, and nothing and no one else! Additionally, if I’d known that “no prophecy of the scripture is of any private interpretation” 2 Peter 1:20, and if I’d held closely to the principle that the Word of God and the Holy Spirit of God never contradict each other, then I believe I could have done a better job of keeping myself pure from a lot of unbiblical doctrine and influences as I grew in the faith. And I believe I would also have trusted the Spirit’s leading more readily whenever I saw/sensed any red-flags in the teachings/contradictions around me.

When I found God, I genuinely wanted to serve Him with all my heart and live my whole life for Him – it still upsets me today that, having found God with such a simplicity of faith, I unknowingly walked straight into teachings and bibles that were so heavily leavened. I believe this likely happens a lot today. And I do believe there are a good number of born-again believers who attend mainstream church who have let themselves be deceived by unbiblical teachings and practices, like I did. One of my ongoing prayers is that the Lord opens the eyes of these believers, so that they turn from the mainstream heresies and live in obedient Biblical sanctification to the Lord.

You mentioned that you believed in Jesus as a child (albeit without being born-again) mainly due to the influence of your mother. I believe this was a real blessing for you. As you likely well agree, New Zealand has descended into a predominantly heathenistic culture since then. I feel very sad for the average New Zealand child today because, from what I can see, it’s rare for them to hear anything about Jesus in the general culture around them (which as I noted in my story, is the main way that I got to hear about Jesus). I suspect the average child today mainly hears about Jesus when His name is blasphemed in television and movies etc. But, as I have a nephew and niece who I’m praying will find the Lord Jesus, I’m encouraged by a number of scriptures which speak of God’s generational faithfulness, such as: “For the LORD is good; his mercy is everlasting; and his truth endureth to all generations” Psalm 100:5.

Thanks again for your comments Rowan, and also for encouraging me to introduce myself to this community. Now that I’ve responded to all the comments from my introduction, I’m looking forward to joining other conversations on the forum!