||My Testimony/Chronicles||
Long ago when I was but a child (not sure what age); my family and I went to a church in Maryland where we attended services, and it was shortly after that that we would all get baptized in water by immersion. and I don't quite remember what the baptizing minister said to me, but I do remember responding with "yes" before being submersed. now I'm going to mention something that in my life has been perhaps the most stupefying of events that has ever happened to me. but please keep in mind that baptism that I told you about. I must also, for the sake of supporting the existence of a spiritual reality and the power of spiritual entities, speak of my time on my grandparent's farm, when Eric (my little brother) and I were 2 and 4 years of age, respectively. It was there that I experienced something that may sound to anyone reading or listening quite bizarre that it may still bring doubt, but I tell you that it was certainly real to me, because something tells me that this apparition had took on this scary shape BECAUSE we were so young at the time. and what it was that we, Eric and I, saw on the farm was standing in a little wooded area right next to the house, and Eric stood before me, reaching out to it, as I looked and, behold, I kid you not; it was a giant mantis. as far as I can tell, it was taller than the both of us combined. in spite of that, Eric and I weren't afraid or in terror of it, probably because we didn't know what we were looking at.
my grandmother called us in after our brief encounter with it. but the paranormal activity supposedly didn't stop there; another thing happened shortly after in likely the same day, because as I was for a while walking about in the kitchen, as my grandmother was at the kettle, boiling; I noticed as I was staring at the floor three different metallic-colored beetles scurrying side by side, right in front of me. and they moved in a zigzag fashion towards the refrigerator and hid themselves. I don't know for sure if those beetles were indeed paranormal, but it is also unlikely that it could be a coincidence.. I also experienced another interesting, but extremely short experience there at the farm, but if I continue, then I'll be digressing a little, so.. After that time, and btw, I, since some time after my birth, did develop Asperger's syndrome, so I'll need to add that my life in my early years hasn't been too enthralling, though I did have an enjoyable childhood; but, yes, I went on, frankly speaking, living my life my way. and I distinctly recall that I wasn't ever really interested in God or in things pertaining to God, in fact, I do recall being very worldly in my conduct, and ungodly. the baptism, as far as I can tell now, was of no actual effect. and so, for 17 years I was in my flesh (i.e. I was governed by my sins; I was under the motions of sin), and was carefree, and antisocial. The LORD was the last person on my mind.
Years later, at some points in my high school life, I was being humbled to some degree by bullying, and that I believe even from some who were below my grade level. however, even after this I did at some point wield a knife at one of my brother's friend's (while he was present) just because I stereotyped him in my heart. it felt to me like he could bully me. so all throughout my life I had insecurities and coping issues, and that even though, by definition of the Asperger's syndrome, I was one of the closest to normal on the autistic scale. It was only until I left high school and began using the internet that I began to do some digging around, and I do have to say that I hardly read the bible during that time; I had stumbled across a certain site on the web (Jesus is savior.com) which was quite controversial to look at, I noticed on many of his articles that he would mention the gospel which is the good news. and I loved it because it was exactly like what he said, good news. and I believed it. and I remember being extremely happy, and spirited, and zealous. I actually remember writing down many of the things he had said into a journal.
I had still been to a lesser degree in the motions of sin, and that because of my past sins, namely lust, worldliness/covetousness. and this still continued on a bit for some time 'til I had begun to hit my early twenties. but I noticed even ever since my conversion some changes. 1) I had begun to pay attention to God. 2) God began to write his word on the tablet of my heart; i.e. I began to memorize his word. 3) I began to antagonize sin, save only those ones that I didn't provide much of a defense against. because I believe that I still had a coping issue, and my sin of lust was still quite strong in me. and in the end I had kept this thing to myself that the degree of my lust began to rise. and this is why I still sinned much later on in my life. but now I noticed that the flesh had a hard time governing over me, because I was resisting it. I was in the Spirit, though the fleshly influences were still there.
shortly, after my conversion, I began to do something called eye exercises, and started to improve my eyesight quickly as I sat in the sun room for what seemed like an ungodly amount of time. and let me point out that this sun room had no screens on certain windows as much as I can recall, so anyone in the neighborhood could've saw me sitting there. so as time past, and as oft that I sat in there, I remained idle unto God. and that's why I'm certain that God caused a tempest (a storm) to come my way, because although all the while that I was in there expressing fearlessness towards the things which appeared before me, whether it was the large unidentified bug, or the spooky figure in the yard creepily approaching where I stood in the house, and that figure btw could have been night watch, or the attention that I might've garnered from people in their homes or those walking by on the sidewalk, or the tempest, yet He, the LORD, humbled me. as I was coming from our vacation home at ocean city, to return to the house; I returned to sitting in the sun room. guys, I can't stress enough how much my mental illness, combined with my past experiences, made me into a weirdo. but as I began again to sit staring out the window, then leaving after, then coming back to the room; I noticed as I was about to sit on the chair, and as I brushed my arm against the arm of the chair that my arm started to hive up. it was an invisible attack of the enemy, Satan. because, remember that tempest that told you about? it caused the house to become moldy. and what I was seeing was the symptom of what I would later find out to be of mold illness or biotoxin illness. from that point forward, my life began to go down hill.
my mother, at my request, sent me away from the house, and brought me to my late father's ex-girlfriend's house, where I began to try to treat this condition which we thought came from something toxic. When I reached 22 years, I blogged on a site that was about superpowers and fictional works, and the topic I blogged about was Christianity; they were my own beliefs concerning the topic. and now, today, I would have to admit that the stuff I brought to everyone's attention on that site was out of place, how messily I wrote things out, how unstable my beliefs were, and therefore how oft I edited my messages and revelations; I knew deep down that I appeared to be inexperienced, and maybe even childish, in the eyes of everyone that would read it; but irregardless, it was a site about fictional works. the things you're seeing here is what Asperger's can cause a person to do, and in a whimsical fashion at that. because those with this condition can do very unreasonable and illogical things. again, why post anything concerning Christianity on a site that's about fictional works? couldn't that in effect destroy the very validity of any argument that I might make about God's word? In the first place, everyone is already assuming that I have believed the bible to be a fictional work. and yet at the same time, I tell you, anyone on that site could've realized at some point that I unwittingly supported their atheism by posting material on their that I was only trying to justify the soundness or reality of.
Now, later on, I began to mind any experiences where I'd miserably fail to keep the faith, to remind me of how vulnerable I was at the time. but more occasionally, every now and then, I have, by my infirmities and lusts, fell to sin. and more importantly, I was still vulnerable to seduction. it is now that I know that when Jesus said that "it is not what goes into the mouth that defileth, but that which comes out it is what defileth", and that thing namely being the sins of the heart, that I began to realize that I need to bridle those thoughts so that I won't become more vulnerable to committing the visible, physical act of that sin. Then, for the past few years; I had come to learn that because of my unsocial behavior; my truth-bearing on the internet hasn't really been all that fruitful or effective. it was still one of my weaknesses. but maybe, and to be more exact on the issue; it was simply that I didn't know how important testimonies were.
and I must add that throughout this time; I, in my own eyes, according to the flesh, had believed that I was the only true believer in all my household, even up to the age of 27 (Gregorian calendar). and even because of my Asperger's; I have lacked an independent mind, assertiveness, to a great degree, a considerate heart, and so many other things. I didn't think that a tutor would be so necessary for my life 'til years later. And now to this day I still read the bible, because I know that His word is important. and I, to be honest, do feel better about my well-being/future when I read it. I also want to point out that the same gospel message that I had learned about, about a decade prior, was still the same message that anyone could find in any KJV bible; the site taught the gospel truth to me while I was even at a young age, and that is how I know that I was certainly converted at that time. The peace of mind and the happiness that I experience from time to time when I think of God's love towards us is a luxury all on its own, in that, and that love being, that God sent his only begotten Son, Christ Jesus, to be offered up for the sins of the whole world, atoning for us so that we are forgiven of God of all our trespasses, and that all a person needs to do to get saved is believe on Jesus the Son of God, the Father, to believe that he did this thing for us, and that Jesus was buried, and rose three days later from the dead.
I say this because we were told to believe on the one that the Father had sent which is Jesus, and to believe that Jesus indeed is the Christ aka the messiah, and also God in the flesh. because remember, the Godhead consists of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. we are to believe in even just these things concerning him. and the reason why this is so good is because of the lack of any work to do on our own part. because, and let's be honest with ourselves here; aren't we more convinced a lot of the time in our lives that we won't enter into the kingdom of heaven because of the many bad works that we do? our works and lifestyles might even have come to a point of being downright disgraceful at times. in short, that's not good news at all. and according to God's word, even the best of men couldn't make it. good works are simply not necessary for one to do to enter into the kingdom of heaven, because God has already forgiven us by him.
Also, after discovering the existence of rife frequency medicine on the internet; I then used that to try to cure my Asperger's syndrome in what seemed like the same day, and I do believe that I've noticed a difference. and I can tell you for certain that that difference was positive on my life. even after this physiological change; I have never come to be ashamed of the good news, in fact, I continued to tell it to my little brother, Eric. although I still, of course, didn't give the gospel teaching in the best manner to him. but after a little bit of leading him to the truth (to the rest of the truth, according to Eric), on certain weeks, and after a few days, that he finally seemed to accept the gospel. and Eric from the get-go began spreading the good news which I find to be very commendable... well he still does it every now and then.
as of 6/25/2020: I've come to know that my brother has had an issue with the true gospel message, seeing as that he believes that a person can "give up" their salvation. so in short, for e.g. at one point a person gets saved, but at another; they would give it up willingly, and therefore not be saved anymore. don't get me wrong here; though, because God was quite clear about how a person must be saved, and my little brother has just now rejected that way of salvation: faith alone in Christ alone. But... maybe he'll change his mind somewhere down the line. ..............I hope.
And now, as of 7/10/2020, I've come to discuss the gospel of Christ again with my brother, and now know for certain that he's been giving it thought, and was willing to embrace the truth again. Again, it might be that he simply had doubts concerning the doctrine that I taught him.
As of 12/10/2020 I thought he was on board, but it turns out he's not accepting the gospel message that easily. He might simply be doubting it.. He really does take the bible seriously, though. And he does seem to question things quite often. I just don't know this time... at the moment, he seems to not like what must consequentially be believed if one were to believe the gospel message. (I've hopefully since that last date convinced him.. he's... kinda like how I was when I first started out: worldly, ignorant of scripture, and accepting false doctrine.)
FIN
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(optional to read) quick summary:
I got baptized in my youth, but in spite of that, I remained irreligious even up to around the age of 17. Eric and I had a paranormal encounter that only I remember when I was about the age of 4. as I grew up with Asperger's syndrome; I stayed to myself; I was unsocial, insecure, and had coping issues. and so, throughout my life, I've been picked on, even up to high school. it was after high school that I really began to use the internet. and it was after a little searching that I stumbled across a certain christian site. it was their that I found out about the gospel.
now, throughout my life I had been quite carnal and worldly, and so I have to mention that although I did believe the gospel and began walking in the Spirit, yet the flesh or carnal mind, according to the scripture, never departed from me. so, I was not too different after my conversion, but I was very enthusiastic about God and truth. after that time I began to change in my way of thinking, and I began to embrace the spiritual life more and more. God's law concerning the "thou shalt nots" were especially on my mind for all the years following. but again, I still had my struggles with sin, because after all we're all still sinners. my Asperger's syndrome has certainly made me do things that were not advantageous/profitable or convenient for myself. I must add that I've confirmed that that site that I mentioned earlier did publish the truth. and that truth could be found in any KJV bible.
and that truth which is the gospel, spoke of the lord Jesus, and how he died for our sins, and has paid the full price for them, and has reconciled us unto God. then he was buried, then rose from the grave three days later. and I must add that on that site; he included the other part of the gospel, also. that all a person must do to be saved from hell was believe on the lord Jesus for their salvation. Jesus took away all sin for all time. I was happy at the time that I first found that message that that man posted on his site.
and I'm still happy even to this day. I've, since the time, and at the age of 27; have also told my brother the gospel, and tried to convince him of the true gospel which is the good news; and now he finally heard the rest of the truth, because before; he didn't entirely know the gospel. I finally know for sure now that I've helped someone towards the gospel message, though again, I was still a little bad at how to tell it. however, I'm now not entirely sure if he's truly converted, seeing as that he, as of 6/25/2020, denied faith alone. maybe he's simply confused, and I only just need to untangle the lies from him? well, I hope that he's believed already, and is sealed unto the day of redemption.
edit: revised, because of my brothers unique way of thinking. : )
