Caleb's Testimony of Events

[Zoologistkid]

Here is my testimony of events while I began to be in contact with CLE.

When I first came to Creation Liberty, I was much like Daniel in that I was a student of conspiracies, creationism, and politics, but not, a student of the Lord Jesus Christ. I was practically spamming the forum with one topic after another that had to do with one of these three topics.
Spam: disruptive online messages, especially commercial messages posted on a computer network or sent as email

I didn't reply or start a conversation that was about any Biblical doctrine while rarely or never using scripture in any of my topics. Why? I didn't understand the word, I was too lazy to read it, and I didn't know any of it at all. Translation: I knew if I used any of it, I would be rebuked immediately and I believed I could have faith in God through some other method than what is clearly written in the word.
So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God. Romans 10:17
As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one: There is none that understandeth, there is none that seeketh after God. They are all gone out of the way, they are together become unprofitable; there is none that doeth good, no, not one. Romans 3:10-12
To put it simply, I had no faith, no discernment, no understanding, no fear of the Lord, and no love for any of you. All while saying the exact opposite and believing that I was saved because I thought I understood repentance. I believe the Lord allowed Daniel on here to see myself in him and come clear about all of this.
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

At this point, I would like to thank the rebukes given by Chris and others during this time because they showed how wicked my heart actually was.
Open rebuke is better than secret love. Proverbs 27:5
The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? Jeremiah 17:9

One of the first cracks that led me to repentance was Chris's article when he first released it:
Hell is Real and Many People are Going There
https://creationliberty.com/articles/hell.php

It was a sobering article that lead to becoming a bawling mess because it showed exactly where I was destined to go without Christ and I was terrified for myself and others. But this was the sorrow of a worldly sort because it lead me to begin trying to clean the outside of my cup.
Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye make clean the outside of the cup and of the platter, but within they are full of extortion and excess. Matthew 23:25
When rebuked of this, I tried to get into the Word, which ended within a few weeks and I didn't remember any of what I listened to. I listened to the word because I thought I could listen to it out loud while doing something else. It didn't stick at all.

I became to post less and less because I grew increasingly uncomfortable talking to you all because it was increasingly clear how different I was from all of you. The straw that broke the camel's back though was Nate, he was friendly the entire time he was on the forum, and I know why now. I never discussed Biblical Doctrine with him, we talked about creationism, stories, and dinosaurs.
If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you. John 15:19
He hated Chris because Chris is not of the world but he loved me because I was. To this day, I am still hesitant to respond to new visitors after what happened to Nate.

I barely wrote anything of substance for the most part of 2020-21 because I was ashamed to write anything because I had fallen into a great depression. During quarantine, I barely did anything (besides doing schoolwork) while fulfilling the lust of the flesh. I could have taken walks, helped my family, helped take care of the animals, but I didn't do anything of that. I was a slothful disgusting creature that cared nothing for others.
Go to the ant, thou sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise: Which having no guide, overseer, or ruler, Provideth her meat in the summer, and gathereth her food in the harvest. How long wilt thou sleep, O sluggard? when wilt thou arise out of thy sleep? Proverbs 6:6-9

In my previous post, I repented in January of 2021 but it was 2022, so sorry about that. That period showed just how wicked I truly am and necessary Christ is for me. I cried myself to sleep begging God to forgive me for everything that I have ever done.
The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit. Psalms 34:18
Now I rejoice, not that ye were made sorry, but that ye sorrowed to repentance: for ye were made sorry after a godly manner, that ye might receive damage by us in nothing. For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death. 2 Corinthians 7:9-10

When I woke up, I felt peace like I had never felt before, and that lasted for two days until I fell back into sin. It showed just how necessary it is to rely on the Lord for everything. I thank the Lord for opening my eyes to the Word of the truth.
But he that received seed into the good ground is he that heareth the word, and understandeth it; which also beareth fruit, and bringeth forth, some an hundredfold, some sixty, some thirty. Matthew 13:19

I have reread Chris's articles again and again to understand them because I have taught them in error in the past. For example, for a while there I believed repent could mean "to turn" or "to change one's mind" depending on the context. I now know that is completely false and I was telling others false doctrine. I am ashamed of saying that to others.
I have gotten into the Word, I have finished off the new testament, and I am now currently in the old testament, specifically 1 Samuel. I found out that me reading out loud helps it stick more than just hearing someone read it.

So for now I want to thank the Lord for bringing me to all of you, for opening my eyes to the truth, for giving me a love of truth, for His mercy, His longsuffering, and well... everything even though I am absolutely undeserving of any of it. I hate myself for my sin, my wicked thoughts/imagination, how they affect others (most of all the Lord), and how I fall into temptation. As time passes I understand how it feels to be the publican more and more.
And the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, God be merciful to me a sinner. Luke 18:13

So, I want to hear what you have to say about this. I am ashamed about what I have done to all of you and you all deserve the truth. I am ashamed I couldn't tell all of you this sooner.

[strangersmind]

Caleb since i been here and seen you come here you have came a long way in study and how you even reply to others show me a great difference.