When I asked further about their communication he commented that they are people you can just never engage with. These are people who at some stage in their life have decided that they will do whatever they want and none of it is open to scrutiny or any examination. They are just a complete waste of time and there is really no place for them in society. I liked all that he was saying because I could relate all of it to my ex-wife.
That's an excellent point about the wickedness of narcissists being THEIR DECISION. They do what they do, not because of any type of "condition", but because they make a CONSCIOUS AND DELIBERATE CHOICE to do evil. To claim they have a "disorder" is to excuse their sin, just like with other so-called "mental disorders". I would also agree that as a general rule, you cannot engage with narcissists (unless it's absolutely necessary), for much the same reason that you would avoid engagement with a dangerous beast. They are quite simply not safe to be around. Some are a threat to your physical well-being. Others may only endanger your emotional well-being, but all of them will still seek to harm you in some way if you get too much on their radar.
From a spiritual standpoint however, I don't think it's right to dismiss narcissists as "a complete waste of time". We need to remember that the spiritual conflict we are all involved in is first and foremost a battle for souls. God wants as many people to be saved as possible, while Satan wants them to join him in the Lake of Fire.
The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance. (2 Peter 3:9)
Who will have all men to be saved, and to come unto the knowledge of the truth. (1 Timothy 2:4)
I don't see any exceptions being made for narcissists. God does not want them to end up in Hell and the Lake of Fire. He wants them to repent and be saved, same thing He wants for everyone else.
We know that few people will be saved, and given how hard the hearts of narcissists are, even fewer of them will be. Nevertheless, we should not give up on them. At the very least, we should pray for them, because our battle is ultimately not against flesh and blood.
For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. (Ephesians 6:12)
That's the real enemy right there. As for human enemies, well if you have a narcissist in your life, you also have an enemy. I have learned that from my own life experience. But what does God want us to do with our enemies, and those who wrong us generally?
Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so? Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect. (Matthew 5:43-48)
But I say unto you which hear, Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you, Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you. (Luke 6:27-28)
Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not. (Romans 12:14)
Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men. (Romans 12:17)
Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing. (1 Peter 3:9)
For "enemy", try substituting "narcissist" or even "the narcissist(s) in your life". When narcissists mistreat us (and they will), God wants us to pray for them (because the battle is really in the spiritual realm) and show charity towards them by blessing them, providing for their physical needs (if there is an opportunity, or even if it is necessary for some reason) and not returning their evil behaviour back on them, as much as our flesh might want that. Even when they are out of our lives, we should still try to pray for them whenever we can, remembering the bigger spiritual battle going on behind the scenes. From our perspective, if may seem impossible for a narcissist to be saved, but nothing is too hard for the Lord (
Genesis 18:14,
Jeremiah 32:27). We never know what He might do for narcissists who have impacted our lives if we simply obey the commandments of Scripture about loving our enemies.