Hello everyone,
My name is Nathan Winters, and I'm from the greater Des Moines, IA area. For those who know my wife, Megan, I'm the lesser half
kidding...
Anyway, I've been observing how she has interacted with you all and the joy/sense of belonging it's brought to her life, and I've decided that now is the time to get myself involved as well, because I've been hoping to make meaningful connections with some more people.
My goal with this is to be as open and honest as I can be. I will preface my story with the fact that I do consider myself a believer in Jesus Christ our Lord and know that he is the way, the truth, and the life - the only way to eternal life is belief and faith in Him. That said, I am very new to the repentance teaching, and while I have a repentant heart for the way I've lived my life, especially over the last ten years or so, I am still growing my understanding, working on reading the entire bible in BSB before I go back and read other versions (and yes, I do intend on reading the KJV) to get more connected to the word and to our Lord.
All this to say, I'm a very new Christian. So, from the very beginning:
I grew up in a Lutheran church for my formative years, doing what I've heard called "Churchianity." I went to Sunday school, attended the services, got confirmed, went to a youth group, etc. I got nothing from it, and if I'm being honest, it drew me away from God. I was a teenager during the confirmation and youth group part, mostly going because my good childhood friend went, not for my own benefit. I didn't get any value out of that.
Fast forwarding a bit, I eventually quit going to the church and youth group and fell away from everything pertaining to church and God for many years, graduating high school and college, getting married, buying a house, working...and drinking.
I drank a LOT. Like...a lot. Enough to gain a lot of weight, cause some health problems I'm still working on, and nearly shatter my marriage. It controlled my life. I denied that fact for years, but it absolutely consumed me. It very nearly cost me everything. If anyone ever wants to ask me any questions about that, I'll absolutely answer honestly. I am an alcoholic and I am only able to get and stay sober through the strength that Jesus gives me freely as well as the support of my wife and the continued desire to be here for my daughter, who is the light of my life.
My repentance story really started on March 6 of this year. That day, I had taken off work to go close a refinance. After I got done doing that, I immediately started drinking. I drowned myself as the day went on. Fast forwarding, I fell asleep for maybe a half hour before Megan and our daughter came home. We went to a park to play, and the physical and spiritual stench of what I'd done was hanging in the air. That day, I looked at my wife and daughter, and I felt my spirit stir. I wanted to change. I was brought low. I started reading the word, beginning with Matthew. This, mind you, was the first time I'd really ever sat and read the Bible with any real intent to understand its content and lessons. As I finished Matthew, and the rest of the gospels, I could feel my perspective and my heart change. To this day, I contend nothing "hits" a person like really, truly reading the gospel for the first time and getting the grace of the son and the father.
After that day, I was able to maintain a 100-day sobriety. Then, in mid-July, I had a small backward slide after my last grandfather died. I thought, foolishly, that I'd be able to control it better after I'd put time in between me and it. I wasn't. I fell back into old habits for about two weeks. One day, I realized my wickedness. I realized that if I allow temptation in, even once, it would quickly overtake me, like a chunk in a warrior's armor can lead to death during war. I realized the extent of my sin and wickedness for the first time during that period, and I can remember reflecting on every little thing I've ever done that is an affront to God: lying, being selfish, being a drunk, hating others, insulting my parents and grandparents during my youth, being gluttonous, being lazy. I thought about the example I want to be for my daughter. I thought about how far I'd fallen and how lucky I am to still be alive. Most importantly, I realized that God led me to this reflection. I've come to know that God strikes you low in one way or another to encourage repentance, be it sickness, imprisonment, poverty, or anything else.
I bowed my knees and head and sincerely asked for repentance for the first time in July. Since then, I've been working through the entire Bible, starting from the old testament. I'm currently up to Luke. I've read the new testament once already, but I'm of the opinion that myself and all of us should read multiple times, there is a fountain of grace and lessons to be learned and gleaned.
Some fruits of my repentance are as follows:
-I am much more mindful of what I say and my feelings toward other people. I used to hold grudges and casually say "I hate them" when someone made me upset. Jesus very clearly states to hate is to murder. Therefore, I've forgiven everyone who's wronged me or who I disagree with. I choose to love as much as I'm able, in whatever form that takes with whoever I'm talking to.
-Ability to resist temptation: This is the biggest fruit in my opinion. Temptation is all around me and all of us all the time. I'll be honest, there are still times where I want to run back to the bottle, but it comes and goes quickly, because I believe and trust in the word and Jesus. Drunkeness is a sin. I also struggle with eating badly. But, I've been able to make some headway there too and eat a bit better, losing 40 pounds in total from my highest point until now. When I get tempted, I remember that Jesus can lead me away from ut. He can take it from me if I ask for it and believe. and when I do that, the temptation to do something that offends Him leaves me. I want to be a better person to show my eternal gratitude for the price He paid.
This is not to say I'm perfect and all cured. I'm not. I'm a work in progress. I still sin. The main difference is that I am grieved when I do it. I realize what behavior is a sin and work to avoid it, but when I do it, I ask for forgiveness and sincerely regret/grieve over it.
I'm getting there, learning more, reading more, one day at a time. Joining here and sharing my story is part of my spiritual journey, as I like to think of it. I really don't have too many close friends. The two I do have,breally, are college friends that I bonded with in drunkenness and that is my main connection. I want to change the crowd I associate myself with and create real, meaningful relationships with other believers. I hope that this testimony helped serve as an adequate introduction, and I'm happy to answer any questions. Please know that I still consider myself a "beginner" Christian, but I yearn to know more and consider it among the highest priorities in my life.
Lastly, I'll be coming out to the gathering next month here with Megan and am looking forward to meeting those of you I'll get the pleasure to in person!
Thank you. God bless.
